Shaking

Shaking

August 14, 2006

Shaking,
Trembling before you
I lay out my heart in my hands

Its cold and its broken
Bleeding,
Unspoken
Are the words that won’t come out of my mouth

My head is spinning and my heart is numb
I lay down in the middle of it all
And forget where I’ve come from

From a place of mistrust
And lies like no other
How did I get back here?
You should’ve never been my lover

Your heart is black
And your soul is twisted
You have no morals,
No conscious
Just a bunch of dead and tired wishes

You’re a burned out star
That lost its shine
One day you will be begging for me
But you’ll be out of luck and out of time

Go find what you think you need
And make sure she’s the right one
Because my heart is now closed
And we are now done.

Omnipresent

Omnipresent

July 26, 2006

Another empty tear rolls down my cheek
The words are bubbling inside of me
But I cannot speak

Another shallow breath
Where I breathe your name again
Wishing you would hold me close
That I could hear your heart beat, my friend

I linger for your sweet caress
And long for our undying spark
I carry your name within my soul
I etched it there in the dark

It’s funny how things can end this quick
When you don’t even know why
It’s funny how our love can just fade
And how a part of me can just die

The hurt is so strong it pulls me in
Like a tidal wave crashing and I can’t swim
The hurt is so eminent that I can’t see
Like a twister has erupted right in front of me
The hurt has taken me over and I am powerless
The hurt is all that is left of us,
We are one sweet, sweet mess

I rewind the tapes inside of my head
I try to remember what I had said
I’m coming up blank like everything has been erased
Before I know it, even I will be replaced

Love is omnipresent,
It’s around us everywhere
Love is too precious, to cheat it or lose it,
And definitely not to care

Take me with you in your heart
Remember me always,
Promise me dear?
Remember the laughter, the tears and the smiles
Let them hold you and snuggle away your fears
Let our memories be the glue that holds you here

Perfect Fit

Perfect Fit

June 6-2006

I used to think we fit
Nestled in your shoulder blade
Now my perception is twisted
Somewhere along the way I must of missed it
Either I have molded
Or you had folded
One of us had changed
Because my style had become
Completely rearranged

Face to face
And eye to eye
I have seemed to find my niche
We line up almost asymmetrically
As I have found the most perfect fit
We snuggle and tangle
Until we become one
We rustle and bustle
Until the job is finally done

One heart we have become
And this game of love we have won
For now I no longer remember
My recent endeavors
Or what life was like
Without loving you and being in your arms

Pandora's Box

May 15, 2006

Pandora’s Box

Gilded and golden
Wrapped in olive branched leaves and twine
Shining before me
All of the answers are finally mine

In awe I take in its glory
And succumb to its mystery
I ponder the possibilities
Of true knowledge waiting for me

If I am to open this box
Will my life be any better?
If I am to walk away from this chance
Will my heart start to truly whither?

Sometimes being ignorant
Is the best gift you can receive
If one knew all of life’s truths
It would surely make them fall straight to their knees

Alarms in my head begin to sound
I ignore the screams and pleads of no’s
As I begin to break the lock
And rip apart every caution filled bow

Once it is open the horror begins
All of my tears start flowing
And out come pouring all of my sins

I gasp from all of the lies
As they come straight for my soul
I knew this is what I would find
But I didn’t care
Nor wanted to stop
Because I knew I had to prove it in my mind

Pandora’s Box had no written instructions
No warnings or caveat to hinder me
I dove right in and now I have only me to blame
My life has taken my last wind from me

All of my castles that were built in the sky
Had finally come crashing down
All of my dreams that I painted in permanent marker
Started running off the page and made a horrible dripping sound

I lost my life that day
The day my curiosity got the best of me
I lost my love that day
The day the truth finally overtook me
I lost hope in purity that day
The day that I learned lies were better then reality
I lost myself in Pandora’s Box that day
The last day I would ever surrender to that kind of fatality.

Bed of Lies

May 8, 2006

Bed of Lies

Tangled up in you
You’re tangled up in me
We lay silently in a bed of lies

Swimming in my fear
And drowning in my tears
I can’t help but to continuously cry

Even if a speck of hope lays between my legs
I will try and stretch them out
Fit every square into a circle peg

I painted a picture of us
And hung it high in my heart
All the colors started to drip
And the binding ripped apart

I reached for the sewing box
And was in complete despair
All of the thread had fell through the cracks
And none of the needles were there

I changed from pointillism to impressionistic
I thought if I altered my perception
Things would turn out more realistic

I ran into problems when I started to draw
I ran out of ink and noticed a bunch of flaws
As I examined more clearly
I was in shock to find
All of the damage was surely mine

Blinded by your lies
I ate them all up
I began to ask for seconds
And hadn’t yet had enough

I dove in head first into the shallow end
I cracked my head upon cement
And truly lost a friend
Blood began pouring from my skull
And like I had expected
We had become null

Sans you,
Sans me
My blood carried me to euphony

And although salvation is stretched before my eyes
I’d rather be ignorant
And love you
In your bed of lies

Split

March 7-2006

Split

Side splitting
Hard hitting
Thumbnail spitting
It seems that I am all over the place again
Heart dripping
Insides ripping
I lose myself in my thoughts every now and then

Right down the middle
I have been cut into two
I let out a little giggle
As I nervously wiggle
Into a new persona or two

Door one or door two
So much to choose

Do I go or do I stay
Will I ever find my way?

Back and forth
And around again
I find myself a little lighter
Front and back
Around in circles
Who knew inside of me was such a fighter?

I know what I want
I know what I need
I know what my body truly aches for
So why is it so hard to make a choice,
When this is everything I have wanted and more?

Two different people
In one body true
Two different hearts
One is black and the other is blue

Torn by a mystery
And stitched by a song
My journey has become much too foregone

The breadcrumbs have vanished
And I’m all alone
I waited too long
All of my options are now gone

I reach my hands forth
I come back with a fist full of air
I am distraught and disappointed,
I thought you would always be there

I guess what they say is inevitably true
Better make up your mind
Before all that’s left is merely you

Wrong Path

Path

March 23, 2006

On the beaten path
I stop and ask myself why
For if this path is my destiny
How did it go so array?
I put up a roadblock in direction A
Hoping that he would surely stay away
Faced with the challenge
He quivered and crumbled
“I couldn’t find the answer”, he mumbled
He kept on walking
Humming a tune
Staring blankly at the stars
On a bright, crisp day in June
Along came direction B
Where I had set up a trap
He tiptoed around it
And broke his back
He hollered and screamed in pain and anguish
He just simply rolled his eyes
And began to regress
Although he kept going
His steps got shorter and slower
Turtles had whizzed right by him
Spitting on his shoulder
From up ahead he spotted path C
His head started spinning; he could hardly wait and see
This time I dug a hole so deep
That when he went running
He fell into it hitting his head and fell fast asleep
He slept for a long time
With no-one there to wake him
I think I finally caught him
But as usual, I was mistaken
While he was resting
Another was finding her way
She stopped to tie her shoes
And heard his dreams come into play
She looked down below her
And shouted out for him
Her voice awoke his slumber
And he began to grin
Although there were more paths to block off
I didn’t anticipate this
She helped him from his hole
And now they walk together in bliss
Back on the path
I am still finding my way
No matter what I did so did they
Lesson be learned
You can’t stop destiny
Even if prolonged
You will always fall short, you’ll see

Juggling

Juggling

March 21, 2006

Three different balls up in the air
Not enough hands
Too many to share

Three different directions
With three different ends
Three different love stories
With three different friends

My eyes are averted
My heart is now closed
My hands are trembling profusely
And blood is pouring from my nose

Pieces of me are all over the floor
Shadows of me walk through the door
I turn to face them
And cannot see
This person I have become
Is no longer me

I’m lost behind my own eyes
I have lost myself to my surprise
Juggling my heart over my sleeve
Why is it so hard for me to leave?

Faced with my demons
I cower and hide
With nowhere to go
I am totally lost inside

Three different balls flying in the air
Three different scenarios
I just don’t seem to care

Maybe I’m not ready
And maybe I never will be
My heart is invisible
It’s finally faded from me
Although the future rests solely in my hands
I refuse to catch all three balls
It may just ruin my plans

Shades of Blue

February 16, 2006

Shades of Blue

I hide behind this talisman
Of deep cerulean blue
It is more then just a jewel to me
It’s a strength I never knew
Whenever I find it hard to breathe
I take comfort in its smooth exterior
And the fact that it rests perfectly
Between my ribs and Close to my heart bone
It makes me feel that much less inferior
If I ever took it off the world would truly see
The deep criss-cross scar I have
Resting underneath
Every year it seems to fade
And melts within my skin
But every time my neck is bare
There the scar will then begin
I’ve tried so many things to cover it up
Over the years
I’ve altered my facade,
Changed my name
But without it,
I always seem to get lost in my tears

Sapphire charm
You’re like a shield from the storm
You weather the bad
And hoard in the good
And let true love begin to form
Yesterday you broke off of my neck
And fell into the cracks
I reached my feeble hand in to find you
And almost broke my back
I kept on digging
Hoping upon hopes that you would be there
I came back empty-handed
And full of unyielding despair

Azure pendant where are you now?
Did you find another heart to hide?
No matter how loud I wail and plead
You are gone and I am lost in the tide
Bare-chested and naked to the world
I find myself alone again
Just a lonely heartbroken girl
With a deep scar that I need to mend
Heal me with your powers
Make everything better again
Warm up my silent un-beating heart
Please don’t say this is the end

Indigo amulet you have slowly faded from me
I am sinking in my misery
And I am now nothing
This is what has become of me
Brittle bones and black heart
A shadow of what I once was
A memory of what I was to become;
I am merely blue dust in the wind.
After I had passed on
The skies began to weep
But in my grave
All the way underneath
A blue stone was found,
On my chest,
Between my ribs
Hiding my heart bone,
Finally allowing me to rest in peace.

I'm Sorry

February 13, 2006

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry for all the tears you cried
That I wasn’t there to dry
I’m sorry for all the pain in you heart
That made you feel like you wanted to die
I wasn’t acting like myself
I hate myself because of myself
I’m sorry for all the times you screamed
And I wasn’t there to listen
I’m sorry for all the lies that were told
And all of the things I did without permission
I’m sorry for never taking you seriously
When you told me you were out the door
I’m sorry that you’re falling in love
With someone better then me for sure
I’m sorry I can’t win you back
When it used to be so simple
I’m sorry things aren’t the way they should be
I’m wishing I was invisible
Finally I’m sorry for the story I created
I wish I had an eraser that could delete all the pages
I wish I never knew you
Because then my heart wouldn’t feel empty
I wish I never knew me
Because then I wouldn’t feel so shaky
If you ever come back to me
I will never be sorry again
Because this time will be different
This time will be the end.