Antsy

January 25, 2007

Antsy

Ants in my pants
In my heart and in my soul
Crawling and digging
Making my insides their new home

I’m nervous,
I’m shaking
I am completely all over the place
You can see it in my hands trembling
In my knees quivering
And in the terror written across my face

I feel like I’m falling
With no net and no direction
This feeling is not new to me
But yet more of a fond affection

Watching and waiting
As time seems to drip from year to year
I find myself more and more unsure each and every day
Trying to be who you want me to, my dear

Creepy and eerie
Their tiny claws dig deeper
I can feel them in my head now
More and more they have become my greatest feature

Pulling me in all directions
I feel like a piece of broken spirit
Each moment that passes me by
Not only can I see myself deteriorating
But I can eminently feel it

They have made their way into my eyes now
They have burrowed and plundered and are hiding, but how?
How could I have let them venture this far?
How could I have let myself become a burned out star?

Hoping for some clarity
I let them travel into my heart
My blood is racing and spilling out
I begin to tear my skin apart
I rip and shred myself until there is nothing left
Bones and insecurities protrude
And I start to go unyieldingly deaf

I cannot hear the world around me
Nor see what I have done
But still the ants are predominate
It looks like they have won